I met the friendliest cop last night
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
