We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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