I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
there is puke in my bra ... again
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
