wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize