I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
