they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
