If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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