You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
