Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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