so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
