Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
