tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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