She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
