Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This house was built for laser tag.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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