sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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