Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
