I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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