The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
