Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
