No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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