He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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