Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
