I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
