At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
