He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
