doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize