Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
