I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
