Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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