dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
