JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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