Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
