swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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