Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She told me I should be a condom model.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
