Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
