you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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