you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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