I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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