Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
