this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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