The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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