You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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