what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
