Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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