Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So many bounce houses so little time
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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