The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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