Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
