I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
ttyl tear gas
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
