on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
