who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
