Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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