My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
