another moral hangover. fuck.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize