My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
