just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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