It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
