Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am naked and annoyed.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
