my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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