Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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