Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
