i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
