listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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