i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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