it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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