Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
