He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
