Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
