Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize