apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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