I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
