We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
