If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
