i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
