He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
