He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize