I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
