it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
