i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
