watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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