Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
