If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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